A lot has gone on since October of 2016…
And I mean a lot.
So much so that I really don’t want to just make a ‘regular’ post about it, but I think; if but for my part, putting things out there needs to be done.
You see, on the 22nd of that month; at age 80…my Mama went home.
And even at age 52, I was until then, a Mama’s boy.
I loved my Pops… there is no doubt about that.
But I loved my Mama just a tad bit more.
To say that my world took a big blow would be understating things, just a bit.
The same would hold true if I said I was slightly overwhelmed.
You see my Mama took care of everything; finance wise, for her and my Daddy.
That all fell on me when she passed.
Now, I did have help. My better half, Suzi gave me all the help she could. So did did a couple of my cousins… on both sides of the family.
But most of it; especially taking care of the bills and keeping my Daddy comfortable in his house…
A house that I might add, he built back in the early 60’s…
Fell on me.
For 50 something years, I kinda enjoyed the fact that I was an only child.
From October 2016 through October 2017, I wished I wasn’t.
You see, in October of 2017; not quite a year later, my Pop’s went Home to see Mama.
If you’ve lost a parent, you know that there are times when you wished you could talk to them just once more…
There’s always one more question you wished you could ask..
One more opinion you wish they could give..
One more hug..
One more “I love you” to be said..
But you can’t.
And it hurts…
And when you loose both of your parents…
It sucks twice as bad.
Hurts like… well, I won’t get too descriptive here…
It just hurts.
I have written before about how when Life really sucks the wind out of your sails and it feels like your world is falling apart, that it is absolutely necessary you have a support system to help you through the dark days. Otherwise, things can get pretty depressing…
I had that, thankfully.
Not quite the way I had intended… especially when my Mama passed.
I was raised in the church of Christ. My parents were faithful members and believers until they drew their last breath.
I… well, lets just say that I wasn’t so faithful… attendance wise. I still believed.. my faith in God was still strong. It was the going part I had problems with.
Up until a a month or three prior to my Mama passing, I was going fairly regularly. I attended a fairly large church in my home town. With her deteriorating health, though.. I wasn’t as faithful in that attendance… and yes I know, it was an excuse for me to use.
The gist of all of this is that back in the day, when folks had relatives get sick or pass on, it usually happened that other members of your church reached out… came by and visited… if for no other reason to give you some support… let you know that you were not alone. Usually that number included the Preacher/Minister.. ( what those of the Baptist persuasion refer to as the ‘Pastor’) and maybe an Elder or two.
If you happened to attend a different church than your other relations, it used to not matter… as you’d get visits from both churches.
That doesn’t quite happen like so anymore.. at least in my experience.
I’m not going to go into details here… but…. let’s just say that the Preacher of the church I was a member of never showed up to visit my Mama in the hospital, at the house or at the funeral home.
What got my goat; as they say, is that a few weeks after the funeral, one of the Elders not only excused that with ” well, if your Mama was a member here, it might have been different”, but then proceeded to tell me: when I asked about Elders coming over and visiting me, that they (the Eldership) don’t have the extra time to spend with folks, as “they have too many others that need them”… (note said with slight laughter).. like I was crazy to think about such.
For the remainder of 2016 and nearly all of 2017; with the exception of attending early services (like at 6:15 am) at Flint church of Christ maybe 4-5 times, I never darkened the doors of any other church of Christ.
I’ve heard it said that when you do that… stop going because of whatever, it’s like you give up on God. No… I never gave up on Him… never lost faith in Him…
I lost “faith” in the people.
I don’t know why that high dollar Preacher… one who ‘preaches’ just how loving and kind the folks at ___________ are… especially towards other members…. didn’t show up.
I don’t know why an Elder… one that is supposed to “watch for your souls“… thought I was crazy for asking what I did…
You see, a few years ago I wrote about finding the ‘perfect church’… or at least the ‘perfect church’ for me. Got a few folks riled up about it. Even had a couple of them condemning me to a “Devils Hell” due to… for lack of a better term.. ‘airing out the laundry’ … which was basically my opinion as to why a big church wasn’t for me.
Maybe they still remembered that.
Maybe I was ‘withdrawn from’.. or as the say in the Roman Catholic vernacular, “ex-communicated”.
A “persona non grata”.
I still have faith in God.
Still haven’t went back to that church… or really any church of Christ since that “visit” from a guy I used to look up to… more ways than one.
And that’s one of those things that; Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, I will work out in time.
Got a lot of stuff to settle before then… lot of emotions… even some resentment… bitterness and generalized disappointment to get rid of before I go looking for more people to “Not forsaking the assembling” with..
That’s partially one reason I blog.
There are several more… reason’s that is.
You’ll just have to stay tuned to see what they might be.